When I did my Autumn Equinox tarot reading and it showed that the next turn of the wheel could be a bit rocky, I had an idea of what the upcoming challenges might be, although I was hoping that I was wrong. Earlier that week, my mom had an ultrasound that showed a small mass in one breast. She had a biopsy on Friday, the day after the Equinox, and yesterday it was confirmed: she has breast cancer.
Wow. It is difficult to even write that. I still don’t think it has completely sunk in. Of course, we are still really early in the process and don’t even know what the treatments will be yet, so there is a lot of uncertainty, a lot of waiting. I’m trying not to do a lot of worrying, but instead to do a lot of praying.
Cancer does not run in my mom’s family at all—both of her parents lived to be over 90 without any cancer. My grandfather had nine siblings, my grandmother had seven and none of them had cancer. My mom also has three sisters and a brother and none have had cancer.
My mom, however, is already a cancer survivor. Thirty years ago, to the month, she had surgery to treat endometrial cancer. They believed it was a result of hormonal imbalances, so it is possible that the breast cancer is from the same cause, though I’m just speculating. I’m hopeful that this means the cancer will be as non-aggressive as the endometrial cancer was, and that all will be well.
My mom is being her usually optimistic Leo self and says that she is confident everything will be fine. I’m grateful that I’m here to support her along with my dad, and she has a group of friends, several who have gone through breast cancer themselves, who are also here for advice and support.
So, my tarot reading was correct—it may be a time when it is hard to keep life in balance, when I need to face fears, practice good self-care, learn to be patient, and most of all to trust that indeed “all shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.” (Julian of Norwich)
Yesterday when searching for words of comfort, I came upon this excerpt quoted in Our Lady of Guadalupe by Mirabai Starr:
Here I will hear
their weeping and their sorrows…
their necessities and misfortunes…
Listen, and let it penetrate your heart…
Do not be troubled and
weighed down with grief.
Do not fear any illness or vexation,
anxiety or pain.
Am I not here who am your Mother?
Are you not under my shadow and protection?
Am I not your fountain of life?
Are you not in the folds of my mantle?
In the crossing of my arms?
Is there anything else you need?
—Our Lady of Guadalupe to Juan Diego, December 12, 1513, in The Wonder of Guadalupe, Francis Johnston
I cried as I read it. There is grace even in this time of uncertainty and fear. Grace abounds. Thank you, Blessed Mother.